When Autism is right here, right now.

My son with high functioning autism has been off his medications (for mitochondrial disease) for three days. We have two more days to go.  I hope I can make it with my sanity intact.

It is weeks like these that really drive the point home for me.  We treat his autism biomedically.  It’s hard. It isn’t the “easy” way.

He’s been particularly checked out today. And so very naughty. The kind of “bad” that is scary, that makes you wonder what has happened to the child you know is there, in there somewhere.

Currently, he’s sneaking around the house, being passive aggressive and I’m sure he’s up to no good.  My 4 year old keeps saying, “I saw him. I saw him sneaking just now. Did you see him mama?” I’ve got my back turned, purposely.

“No. I didn’t see him. I don’t want to see him right now.”

And that is in more ways that one.  Right now I am too attached to my suffering to see HIM. I can’t see him clearly, or the pain and anguish he must be in right now, because I’m too deep in my dukkha.  I am working hard at holding my tongue while I’m in this place of clinging.

 

“We meet

to part again.

I have no words to respond

to this double inspiration.”

-Wen Chao

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