awakenings of all types



It’s almost Spring. That means we’re all sick with a cold or allergies or sinus infections or the winter doldrums….

today, I lost my temper.  I yelled at the kids.  I’m not sure I feel completely bad about it.  Sometimes, there’s no other way to convey to them the urgency of the situation.  We were in heavy traffic and I was trying to read a map.  One of them was going on and on about chocolate milk.  Nobody was feeling well, including myself.

I yelled.  It was ugly.

I did try to explain myself, but I’m never really sure what affect it all has.

The Buddha reminds us that sickness, samsara, and intense emotions that over take us are all indications that we don’t really belong to our bodies.  We aren’t our bodies.  There is no real me, but in motherhood, one does own their actions.

And I made sure to stop and really feel the gratitude and awe in my heart when my kids told me what a great mom I was and brought me dandelion flowers.  They are leaning on me heavily (as children do) right now because they are all ill.  I carried several tired boys up the stairs to the bathtub this evening.  Instead of feeling frustrated or giving in to the feeling of tiredness, I simply held tight to wonder and gratitude.  Such strong and healthy bodies they have- full of good nourishment, a decent home, and comfortable with their parents.  They feel love and joy enough to be little pests.  They are endlessly inquisitive…that part really makes a constant impact on me.  They have such strong spirit.

I don’t own them.  They aren’t MY children.  They are simply children, people of their own, depending on me to be as humble and gracious as possible.